Love is to let go
by mushimio92
Summary: Own Story. The saddest love story that emphasize death till we part...


"Last Moments"  
It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday  
seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was  
the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why  
she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven.  
She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had  
dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and  
fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm.

I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff  
like how we shouldn't be together.  
She said, "I miss you."  
I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."  
She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine.  
I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."

Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She  
said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place  
to eat.

Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"  
Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she  
would take the train back home.

Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and  
suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by.  
We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so  
long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when  
she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like  
this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her  
stay for the night.

But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other  
train station."

We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then  
there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner  
together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a  
family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl  
of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living  
together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she  
graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish  
school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her  
on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured  
relationship.

We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was  
right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a  
wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she  
was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she  
almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms,  
but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did  
nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go.

She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I  
promise I'll go home right after this."

With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face  
and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I  
wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for  
something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a  
silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and  
Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope  
Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other,  
forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back  
slowly with tears on her face.

She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."  
I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart,  
the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I  
didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"  
I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want  
to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the  
story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you  
sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"

I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just  
kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it  
was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal  
life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the  
cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my  
stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me  
again. First I thought the pain would go away, but it grew stronger until  
to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and  
took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which  
proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most  
glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and  
the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to  
commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions,  
especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still  
doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to  
go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel  
thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out  
three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start  
to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to  
succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would  
all come to an end that was what I had in mind.

The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just  
standing there, waiting, losing our last moments in silence.

I saw the taxi from far away; I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of  
yourself, take good care of yourself."

She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped  
umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two  
single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened  
the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate  
me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the  
first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car  
started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the  
twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi,  
because I knew, this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her  
I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so  
much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling  
down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of  
the rain. I was cold inside.

She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I  
know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I  
left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my  
memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down  
these last words.


End file.
